Sunday, June 18, 2017
Totally Desperate Mom Book Giveaway
wrote a book a couple years ago & it is a MUST read for all you Mama's (or Mama's-to-be) out there.
This book will make you laugh, make you cry & make you feel better about yourself.It is a QUICK read & an EASY read! Perfect for us busy Mama's out there!
Wendy is one of my favorite people & I am so thankful for her friendship.
(and I am thankful that her girls that are buddies with my girls)
Giveaway ends on Sunday May 19th.
Winners will be chosen via random.org
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Moms Make it Work Mara Work at Home Solo Parenting Military Mom


My name is Mara, and I have two lovely girls: Ellie (4) and Penny (1). Above is a recent staged picture, but this is probably closer to how we really look (I certainly feel this blurry in real life, but it might just be the wine).

I am a work-at-home mom, currently solo-parenting my two little ladies while my husband is on a fancy international business trip...just kidding, he's on a long deployment with the U.S. Navy.
Let me say from the outset that I certainly don't intend to represent the experience of all military spouses. I am the first to admit that many other people have it harder, do it longer, and do it better (with cleaner houses). If you are lucky enough to also know one of these people, please give them a hug and a high five, because they are awesome! (Single moms, you're also first-class in my book. You should have a permanent discount on chocolate and wine.)
On the other hand, I hear friends talk about how hard it is when their spouse is away for a week, and they say things like "I just can't do it for more than a week." You can, and you would if you had to do it.
What is your background story?
When I was in high school, I started seeing this handsome guy that I'd met at my summer job at the grocery store. He mentioned he was headed off to the Naval Academy and I was planning to go not there so I thought the relationship would probably be short-lived. I was wrong. Like most teenagers, we broke up and got back together, but in 2007, he got down on one knee on a mountain top and asked me to marry him. I said yes, got on the Navy roller coaster and never looked back.

When we got engaged, I was working for a government agency in DC, and was very fortunate to transfer to an office close to my fiance in Washington state, 3000 miles away. I worked happily through our first year of marriage, even working an extra 20 hours a week for a non-profit during his first deployment.
When he returned, we decided to start a family and welcomed our first daughter in 2010. When she was 3 months old, we moved back across the country to Maryland and I luckily transferred my job again, joining the world of working mothers.

In 2013, we completed our family with the arrival of our second daughter. I initially went back to work again, but when our youngest was 5 months old, we moved to Virginia. I wasn't able to transfer my job this time, but I was very very lucky to be hired by a contractor a few months later. (My current employer allows me to work remotely from my home which I surprisingly love.)

Of course, that's just the nutshell version. Since we got engaged, we've lived in five different homes, he's deployed, we've completed two Master's programs (mine and his), we've had two children, and we completely renovated a home. It has been crazy, wonderful, lonely, and lovely, but I still would say "Yes!" if he asked me to marry him today.
I'm hesitant to say where he is, what he's doing, or how long he will be gone this time. (I take his security and our security very seriously.) But, to give you some context, in the time he has been gone so far, the baby has grown three inches and learned to walk, and our big girl has grown two inches and played her first season of soccer.

What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
I have a few degrees, and a cool-sounding job, but at its most basic level, I need an outlet for my analytic side, and it's even better when someone offers to pay me for it. (When I'm not working I tend to overwork things in our personal lives...as in pie charts in our household budget, and to-do lists a mile long.) More than anything else, having an outlet for this part of my personality boosts my self-confidence and that boosts my parenting confidence. This is why I have endeavored to work even though it can be extraordinarily difficult to work as a military spouse. (I always bring my military spouse status up in job interviews, because otherwise it looks like I'm just a flake who changes jobs every couple of years.)

The Navy lifestyle has allowed me to experience many different combinations of working and parenting. When Ellie was a baby and toddler, I worked in an office and she went to a daycare center. When we moved to Virginia, both girls were home with me for a few months, and when I started working from home, Ellie went to preschool, and Penny stayed home with me (and a nanny). Now, both girls go to daycare/preschool and I stay home alone to work.
I enjoy our current setup. I don't think I could work in an office and parent the girls alone without feeling really disorganized and unprepared at home. As it is, I get a nice break from parenting duty during the day, and I'm able to enjoy work, recharge, and prepare for the time I'm on parenting duty again.
What are the best parts of your situations?
I love working at home. Because my commute is just to daycare and back, I feel that I have a lot more time with my kids than other working parents get.

Being at home enables me to complete a large number of chores that would otherwise take time away from my children. I often do laundry or dishes throughout the day, and I can usually mow the lawn, vacuum the house, empty the dishwasher, or clean the bathroom on my 30 minute lunch. (I usually knock out the loudest chores then, saving quiet tasks for after bedtime.) I also love the freedom to blast music, open the windows, and wear jeans and T-shirts. I don't have to take time off to wait for a repairman or delivery, and I take a lot less sick leave.
When I'm done for the day, I can also take a few minutes to prepare for the evening. Sometimes this involves throwing library books or swimsuits into the car, but I mostly use the time to prep dinner. These little steps make me feel more organized and relaxed when I return home with my girls.
As for the other part of my life, there are some fun things about being the only adult at home. I drink a lot of pink wine, watch a lot of girly TV and movies, and I don't have to compromise about the thermostat, the music in the car, or what we're having for dinner.

Without the ability to divide and conquer, the simplest tasks, like getting dinner on the table, suddenly become a marathon of shopping, cooking, entertaining, negotiating, food-shoveling, child-cleaning, and dish-cleaning. I do my best, but sometimes the recipe is a flop, someone refuses to eat, or I yell and scream like a crazy person, and its hard to pep-talk myself into doing it again the next day.

Its hard to admit that I am one person, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I simply can't do everything I want to do. Sometimes I have to do less (bringing something store bought even though I really wanted to make the fun recipe I saw on Pinterest) and sometimes I have to do more (singing one more lullaby because "Daddy would...," even though I just want to go downstairs and eat ice cream in front of the TV).
That brings me to the biggest challenge: I feel a lot of pressure to provide two parents worth of love and attention to two little girls, while also trying to document everything for my husband so that he's not out of the loop. I do separate bedtimes for the girls (the older one gets extra TV time while I put the little one to bed). Even though it would be so much easier to get them ready together, I know they both need and deserve a little bit of alone time with me each day. I send pictures, videos, emails, and care packages to my man, but there's still no substitute for that moment when your child does something ridiculous and you get to smile and roll your eyes with him.

How do meals work in your family?

How do you keep your house clean?
My house is not clean, or not as clean as I wish it was. (You are pretty much always going to find dishes in the sink and socks on the floor if you surprise me.) In order to keep the house clean enough, I clean or do other chores every day at lunch and after bedtime I try to multitask as many tasks as I can. I clean the bathroom while the kids are in the tub. I sort laundry when I'm on hold. I fold laundry while I watch TV. For the others, I try to make them fun. I listen to podcasts while I clean the kitchen; I blast embarrassing 90's music while I mop the floor. A little fun definitely makes this Sisyphean task a little easier.
Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

But I also thought I'd reach the old-married-lady stage of love and marriage by now, and I still feel the butterflies for him that I felt when I was 17. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
I couldn't tell you what lies ahead for us. Much to Ellie's consternation, I couldn't even tell you what state we'll live in when she goes to Kindergarten. Sometimes I fantasize about settling down in a house and a job and actually expecting to stay there. On the other hand, the Navy has brought many wonderful people into our lives and allowed me to experience many different places; I would be a little sad to return to a fully civilian lifestyle.

How do you handle mommy guilt?
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?
Thanks Julia!
{Thank you, Mara! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Loving the Mom Life
- Simon keeps running around with a tiny purple horse from the baby's toy farm singing,"Neigh, neigh, neigh na neigh," to the tune of Daniels Tiger's Neighborhood theme song. He calls it his "cowboy horse."
- Grace tells everyone at the grocery store that she is a princess and asks them to look at her new shoes.
- I fell asleep next to Grace on the floor while they were watching cartoons. I woke up to her kissing my cheek and saying, "Hi Mommy."
- Ruby smiles at me from across the room, then she hugs me before continuing to play with her toys.
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| Simon flying in the rocket ship he made out of toys. |
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
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Monday, March 13, 2017
Moms Make it Work Jeane Stay at Home German Mom in Ohio
Today on the Moms Make it Work series, we have Jeane who is German, married an American (after meeting him in Germany), and now lives in Ohio. They have four beautiful children and Jeane stays at home with them---something that many German moms aren't accustomed to doing. Her post is extra interesting to read when you compare it to Sarah's post from 8/7/14: Sarah is an American mom now living in Germany (and staying at home) versus Jeane: a German mom now living in America (and staying at home). I really enjoyed Jeane's post and I know she was nervous about grammatical errors since English is not her native language, but I thought it read really well!

Saying good-bye to family and friends at the Berlin airport (hardest day of my life)
Since I was here on a visa and getting the Green Card took a long time, I wasn’t allowed to work right away and had to wait at least 3-4 months to start looking for a job. He also got a job offer in Ohio at the Miami University as a Professor, so that’s where we moved shortly after I got here. We had talked about, while dating, that we’d love to have 2, maybe 3 kids. So when he got the job offer, we also decided to start trying for a baby and got pregnant right away. We welcomed our first daughter, Laney, in November 2005.
So as of right now I’m a mom of 4 and their ages are 8, 6, 4, and 2 and stay home with them (well, besides the two older ones going to school) while my husband works at Miami University.
What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?
We just spent 6 months in Germany and were able to be with my family for Christmas. It was the best time we ever had
German carnival at the girls’ school
German school they went to
First day of German preschool
Oma and Opa picking her up from preschool
My girlfriends I have also started to have some me-time. I always felt guilty to get a sitter so I could do something on my own. It took me 4 years until I had one come watch my kids. I do feel guilty sometimes even about that but there are days where I really need that time for myself.
My husband and I got to visit the volcano Etna in Italy for our very belated honeymoon this year ;-), went to Paris, and got to visit the tulip fields in Holland
My mom came to visit us in the US.
That’s how we celebrate New Years, through the web cam. They are 6 hours ahead, so we get to see each other twice that night ;-).
My girls LOVE their Oma and were very sad when we had to leave them

{Thanks, Jeane! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Moms Make it Work Sarah Full Time Working Mom at NASA
Today on the Moms Make it Work series, Sarah is posting as a full-time aerospace engineer at NASA and mom to two year old Emma. Wow, right? But wait: she has also been blogging for sixteen years. Yes, seriously. When she emailed me about posting for the series I immediately said, 'Yes, please!' because her job sounds insanely cool, I love her writing style, and really enjoy hearing from moms who love life....and dare I say it? Make it work! Enjoy;)

(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography)
What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
I grew up in Charlotte, NC and have bachelor’s and master’s degrees in aerospace engineering from Georgia Tech and Stanford, respectively. When I was a sophomore at Tech, I was hired as a cooperative education student (similar to a paid intern) by NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. I alternated spending semesters at school with semesters working in Houston, and when I finished grad school in 2002, I joined NASA full-time.
(At the Rendezvous console in Mission Control, February 2011)
(Photo by Christine Tremoulet, May 2009)
(Hamming it up for a 2nd birthday home "photoshoot" a few weeks ago)
What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?
Being a federal government employee has some big advantages that help make our life work. My salary is competitive within my industry, but I rarely have to work more than 40 hours per week and I have a LOT of schedule flexibility -- I’m allowed to manage my time as I see fit (within reason) as long as I’m getting my work done.
(Floating on the "weightless wonder" -- an airplane that flies a specific flight path to provide short periods of weightlessness aka zero gravity.)
When Emma was born, I took 12 weeks of maternity leave. Federal employment policies allow you to use accrued sick leave for the first 6-8 weeks and accrued annual leave after that, so fortunately all but a few days of those 12 weeks were paid leave. (The fact that paid maternity leave is not standard in this country appalls me.) When those 12 weeks were up, I went back to work with zero hesitation. Although my own mother stayed at home for many years, I never really considered it as an option for myself -- I’m happy in my job and career, and I don’t think I would enjoy staying home.
(First official family photo, taken in the hospital, August 2012)
Working in general means that weekday mornings are never relaxing. Instead, we're rushing around the house trying to get out the door on time. I support regular early morning telecons with space station partners in Russia, Europe and Japan, which only adds to the morning craziness. And when Emma is sick (and she was sick a LOT that first year), Jose and I end up having to play the not-very-fun game of "who has the more important meetings today" to figure out who stays home with her.
(Hanging out after my second post-baby triathlon, June 2013)
Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography, July 2012)
(During a trip to Seattle in May, with Emma helpfully pointing at a bus -- one of her favorite things)
Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
You know, I think it’s pretty close. Despite my tendency to stress over what is ultimately little stuff, at the end of the day I remember that I've got a happy and healthy family, good friends, and a career that I enjoy. If I could change one thing about my current situation, it would be proximity to family. My husband's family is a 4-hour drive away and getting to mine requires a plane flight. This never bothered me before, but since having Emma I've become keenly aware of how nice it would be to have the option of seeing our families more than once every few months. (And yes, being able to use them as babysitters for the occasional date night!)
(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography, April 2014)
Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I do feel confident that I will always be working in some capacity, and it's strange for me to think about how Emma's childhood will differ from my own because of that. My mom stayed at home for years and even after she went back to teaching, she had summers off to spend with my siblings and me. I never went to daycare and only did the occasional summer church camp. In contrast, Emma will always be in daycare, school, or summer camps. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it's jarring to realize that her childhood will be different than what I had.
But beyond that -- whew. My career goals are something I am REALLY struggling with right now. NASA is a huge organization so even though I’ve been with the same "company" my whole career, I’ve changed jobs within NASA twice already. I’ve been in my current role for almost 4 years and although I really like where I am now, I’m also starting to feel the itch to try something new.
(Me with 6-week-old Emma as the space shuttle Endeavour flew over Johnson Space Center on the 747 carrier airplane, September 2012)
I mentioned earlier that I just graduated with an M.A. in Digital Media Studies, which I earned from a local college after nearly a decade of working on it part-time (including some time off when life got busy). Art and design has always been something I love and when I started the classes, I was single and wanted something to fall back on when the space shuttle program ended -- just in case. Things have changed a lot since then, but now that I'm finished with the degree, I've been thinking a lot about how I could put it to good use. I've done some freelance design work in the past, and have thought a lot about starting a small freelance business...but I don't feel like I'm currently capable of putting in the effort that would require right. I hope to revisit the idea in a few years though!
Tips on how you make your situation work for you:
First and foremost is a daycare that we LOVE. We're very happy with the care and attention Emma gets on a daily basis, and that makes it so much easier to leave her there and head to the office without worry. They provide breakfast, lunch and snacks so I never have to pack food, which saves time and effort as well. It's also located on the NASA campus, which is extremely convenient -- I can easily can stop by for events and holiday parties, and Jose and I are able to trade dropoff/pickup duty as needed depending on our schedules.
(Halloween at daycare, October 2013)
Since we don't have family in the area and haven't found a regular, dependable babysitter (it's on the to-do list!), we also take full advantage of the "parents' night out" that the daycare does every other month to have a date night. We also designate some Saturday nights at home as couple time. We usually just watch a movie together after Emma has gone to bed, but it's good to know we will spend that time together as opposed to each doing our own thing.
How do you handle mommy guilt?
How do I handle it? Not very well! On weekdays, I only have 3-4 hours with Emma awake on weekdays, and most of that is spent getting ready for the day, dinner, and the bathtime/bedtime routine. Even though I want to work, I have a hard time not comparing myself to the moms I see around me and feeling like I don't do enough. There were a lot of tears (from me!) in that first year, but as time passes I'm learning, and it gets easier. I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can, and that I'm doing what's right for me and my family, so when my emotions start to get the best of me I just try to remind myself of that.
(Run/walking a 5K together, April 2014)
Gosh, this is such a personal decision, isn't it? There are obvious financial implications to consider -- work brings income, but daycare is expensive, etc -- but working vs. staying home is often so much more than that. As long as either option works financially, I really just think women should do what feels right. If you want to stay home with your kids -- do it! If you want to work -- do it! If you are happy, it's a lot easier for your kids to be happy too.
I'd also advise women to give themselves plenty of time to make the right decision. Don't do anything irreversible in the first weeks or months of being a mom or being back at work. While I was excited to return to my job, it was still SO hard to leave Emma at daycare -- but it does get easier! (And if it doesn't get easier as the weeks go by, that may help you make your decision too.)
(Splash pad fun, May 2014)
We eat together as a family almost every night -- it's what my family did when I was young, and it was important to me to do it with my own children. This means that we eat a lot earlier than we did pre-kid, but it's worth it. I started meal planning on a very low-key basis a couple months ago to make our weeknights a little smoother; we have a dozen or so "go-to" meals and I just choose 5-6 of those each week. We eat out most Fridays, and often go out to lunch on weekends.
On nights that I know we'll be getting home late (like Thursdays, when we do swimming lessons), I plan to have something super quick like a bag of frozen pasta or microwaving prepackaged seasoned meat and eating it with rice. It'd be great if everything we ate was fresh and made from scratch -- but that's just not realistic for our family. I just try to strike a balance between using convenience foods and eating reasonably healthy, and I think we're doing a good job of that.
I try to grocery shop every Sunday, because I've found that if we push it off to a weeknight, it's about 100 times more stressful. Sometimes we go to the store as a family, and sometimes my husband goes alone.
How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?
After Emma was born, I spent several months completely overwhelmed and stressed out by trying to keep the house clean. Finally I decided that since we have the means, I was going to hire out whatever I could. When Emma was ~6 weeks old, the guy mowing my neighbor's yard noticed my sky-high grass and knocked on my door. I hired him on the spot and he's been doing our lawn ever since. When she was ~9 months old, I hired a cleaning service to cover the house from top to bottom every two weeks. They do a great job and it eliminates a major stressor for me.
Thanks so much Julia for hosting this series and letting me participate! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading my wordy post! I love hearing other moms' stories and experiences and hope you've enjoyed mine too.
{Thanks, Sarah! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
