Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Totally Desperate Mom Book Giveaway


I have a special Giveaway today in honor of Mother's Day!

My friend Wendy (aka the Totally Desperate Mom)
wrote a book a couple years ago & it is a MUST read for all you Mama's (or Mama's-to-be) out there.
This book will make you laugh, make you cry & make you feel better about yourself.
It is a QUICK read & an EASY read! Perfect for us busy Mama's out there!

My husband Kevin & Wendy grew up together....friends since Elementary School!
Wendy was a former Hollywood Actress, you may recognize her from the TV Show, The New Lassie.
Wendy is one of my favorite people & I am so thankful for her friendship.
(and I am thankful that her girls that are buddies with my girls)

Wendy is wife to Shiloh and they just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary this past week.
She is a busy mom of 3 kiddos (and Baby Faith in Heaven)
Wendy is an extremely gifted speaker & this weekend she spoke at FOUR church services.
Yes, Mother's Day weekend and Wendy was out there speaking. Rockstar.

Thankful to have a friend like Wendy. Love it when she runs on the trail behind my house at yells at me to come talk to her. 
She's all kinds of awesome.  And so is her book. 
Her book is a perfect baby shower present or present for any mom.
The last 10 baby showers I have been to, I have given her book as part of the present!

 Wendy will send THREE lucky people a signed copy of her book (or the e-version of her book) 
You have THREE chances to win.
{Leave me a comment for each one}
1. Leave a comment letting me know your favorite thing to do on Mother's Day 
(Mine is getting a pedicure!!!)
2. Follow my blog
3. Follow Wendy's Blog,  Facebook or Twitter

Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. 
I know this day can be hard for people.
Maybe you are longing to be a mom, but that door hasn't opened yet.
Maybe you lost your mom and this day brings up loneliness & sadness.
If you are a mom, I hope you were able to relax & get pampered.
If you aren't a mom yet, but are longing to be one, I am praying for you.

Giveaway ends on Sunday May 19th.
Winners will be chosen via random.org

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Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Moms Make it Work Mara Work at Home Solo Parenting Military Mom


Today on the Moms Make it Work series, we have Mara, who is a blog reader that contacted me offering up her story. Mara works remotely from home, has two little girls, and is a solo parent for this entire year as her husband is deployed with the Navy. An entire year, you guys. Reading Mara's post made me smile because she truly makes it work: she is organized, she is focused, and she seems like a lot of fun as a mom. What a fun combination! I really enjoyed Mara's post and am sure you will, too. Enjoy!

momsmakeitwork


Hello Julia's readers! I am so excited about being included here. I blog at casah.blogspot.com but life is so crazy that a picture and a short paragraph are all I usually have time for. It's nice to write a real post, though I will not tell you how many days it took to write this.

My name is Mara, and I have two lovely girls: Ellie (4) and Penny (1). Above is a recent staged picture, but this is probably closer to how we really look (I certainly feel this blurry in real life, but it might just be the wine).




I am a work-at-home mom, currently solo-parenting my two little ladies while my husband is on a fancy international business trip...just kidding, he's on a long deployment with the U.S. Navy.

Let me say from the outset that I certainly don't intend to represent the experience of all military spouses. I am the first to admit that many other people have it harder, do it longer, and do it better (with cleaner houses). If you are lucky enough to also know one of these people, please give them a hug and a high five, because they are awesome! (Single moms, you're also first-class in my book. You should have a permanent discount on chocolate and wine.)

On the other hand, I hear friends talk about how hard it is when their spouse is away for a week, and they say things like "I just can't do it for more than a week." You can, and you would if you had to do it.

What is your background story? 

When I was in high school, I started seeing this handsome guy that I'd met at my summer job at the grocery store. He mentioned he was headed off to the Naval Academy and I was planning to go not there so I thought the relationship would probably be short-lived. I was wrong. Like most teenagers, we broke up and got back together, but in 2007, he got down on one knee on a mountain top and asked me to marry him. I said yes, got on the Navy roller coaster and never looked back.



When we got engaged, I was working for a government agency in DC, and was very fortunate to transfer to an office close to my fiance in Washington state, 3000 miles away. I worked happily through our first year of marriage, even working an extra 20 hours a week for a non-profit during his first deployment.

When he returned, we decided to start a family and welcomed our first daughter in 2010. When she was 3 months old, we moved back across the country to Maryland and I luckily transferred my job again, joining the world of working mothers.

In 2013, we completed our family with the arrival of our second daughter. I initially went back to work again, but when our youngest was 5 months old, we moved to Virginia. I wasn't able to transfer my job this time, but I was very very lucky to be hired by a contractor a few months later. (My current employer allows me to work remotely from my home which I surprisingly love.)



Of course, that's just the nutshell version. Since we got engaged, we've lived in five different homes, he's deployed, we've completed two Master's programs (mine and his), we've had two children, and we completely renovated a home.  It has been crazy, wonderful, lonely, and lovely, but I still would say "Yes!" if he asked me to marry him today.

I'm hesitant to say where he is, what he's doing, or how long he will be gone this time. (I take his security and our security very seriously.) But, to give you some context, in the time he has been gone so far, the baby has grown three inches and learned to walk, and our big girl has grown two inches and played her first season of soccer.



What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I have a few degrees, and a cool-sounding job, but at its most basic level, I need an outlet for my analytic side, and it's even better when someone offers to pay me for it. (When I'm not working I tend to overwork things in our personal lives...as in pie charts in our household budget, and to-do lists a mile long.) More than anything else, having an outlet for this part of my personality boosts my self-confidence and that boosts my parenting confidence. This is why I have endeavored to work even though it can be extraordinarily difficult to work as a military spouse. (I always bring my military spouse status up in job interviews, because otherwise it looks like I'm just a flake who changes jobs every couple of years.)



The Navy lifestyle has allowed me to experience many different combinations of working and parenting. When Ellie was a baby and toddler, I worked in an office and she went to a daycare center. When we moved to Virginia, both girls were home with me for a few months, and when I started working from home, Ellie went to preschool, and Penny stayed home with me (and a nanny). Now, both girls go to daycare/preschool and I stay home alone to work.

I enjoy our current setup. I don't think I could work in an office and parent the girls alone without feeling really disorganized and unprepared at home. As it is, I get a nice break from parenting duty during the day, and I'm able to enjoy work, recharge, and prepare for the time I'm on parenting duty again.

What are the best parts of your situations? 

I love working at home. Because my commute is just to daycare and back, I feel that I have a lot more time with my kids than other working parents get.


Being at home enables me to complete a large number of chores that would otherwise take time away from my children. I often do laundry or dishes throughout the day, and I can usually mow the lawn, vacuum the house, empty the dishwasher, or clean the bathroom on my 30 minute lunch. (I usually knock out the loudest chores then, saving quiet tasks for after bedtime.) I also love the freedom to blast music, open the windows, and wear jeans and T-shirts. I don't have to take time off to wait for a repairman or delivery, and I take a lot less sick leave.

When I'm done for the day, I can also take a few minutes to prepare for the evening. Sometimes this involves throwing library books or swimsuits into the car, but I mostly use the time to prep dinner. These little steps make me feel more organized and relaxed when I return home with my girls.

As for the other part of my life, there are some fun things about being the only adult at home. I drink a lot of pink wine, watch a lot of girly TV and movies, and I don't have to compromise about the thermostat, the music in the car, or what we're having for dinner.







What are the challenges?
Well, when working from home, I miss small talk and I miss subtle body language that doesn't translate over the phone. But, most of my challenges relate to parenting on my own.

Without the ability to divide and conquer, the simplest tasks, like getting dinner on the table, suddenly become a marathon of shopping, cooking, entertaining, negotiating, food-shoveling, child-cleaning, and dish-cleaning. I do my best, but sometimes the recipe is a flop, someone refuses to eat, or I yell and scream like a crazy person, and its hard to pep-talk myself into doing it again the next day.

Its hard to admit that I am one person, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I simply can't do everything I want to do. Sometimes I have to do less (bringing something store bought even though I really wanted to make the fun recipe I saw on Pinterest) and sometimes I have to do more (singing one more lullaby because "Daddy would...," even though I just want to go downstairs and eat ice cream in front of the TV).

That brings me to the biggest challenge: I feel a lot of pressure to provide two parents worth of love and attention to two little girls, while also trying to document everything for my husband so that he's not out of the loop. I do separate bedtimes for the girls (the older one gets extra TV time while I put the little one to bed). Even though it would be so much easier to get them ready together, I know they both need and deserve a little bit of alone time with me each day.  I send pictures, videos, emails, and care packages to my man, but there's still no substitute for that moment when your child does something ridiculous and you get to smile and roll your eyes with him.





How do meals work in your family? 
When you're cooking for kids it is easy to pick meals that will get less resistance from them and neglect your own cravings and nutrition. I try to plan a week of meals at once, and balance meals for them (pizza, pasta) and meals for me (curry, zucchini). Sometimes I am informed that "Dinner is disgusting!" but that's fine. We also go grocery shopping on Friday night because the grocery store is empty and I like to start the weekend with a full refrigerator and a plan.




How do you keep your house clean?

My house is not clean, or not as clean as I wish it was. (You are pretty much always going to find dishes in the sink and socks on the floor if you surprise me.) In order to keep the house clean enough, I clean or do other chores every day at lunch and after bedtime I try to multitask as many tasks as I can. I clean the bathroom while the kids are in the tub. I sort laundry when I'm on hold. I fold laundry while I watch TV. For the others, I try to make them fun. I listen to podcasts while I clean the kitchen; I blast embarrassing 90's music while I mop the floor. A little fun definitely makes this Sisyphean task a little easier.


Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
No. I always hated studying at home in high school and college. I never expected I would enjoy working from home. I also thought I would never have to change a flat tire, kill a spider, or mow the lawn after I got married and I do a healthy amount of all three of those things.




But I also thought I'd reach the old-married-lady stage of love and marriage by now, and I still feel the butterflies for him that I felt when I was 17. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I couldn't tell you what lies ahead for us. Much to Ellie's consternation, I couldn't even tell you what state we'll live in when she goes to Kindergarten. Sometimes I fantasize about settling down in a house and a job and actually expecting to stay there. On the other hand, the Navy has brought many wonderful people into our lives and allowed me to experience many different places; I would be a little sad to return to a fully civilian lifestyle.


How do you handle mommy guilt?
Its hard to accept that I miss things, that they are growing and developing when they are away from me. I guess my strategy for handling the guilt is simply to make my time with them count! I try to put away the phone and the computer when we're together and really be present. We plan fun activities and I try to document their lives weekly on my blog and in our yearly photobooks. I want them to look back on their childhoods and remember not how often their parents were away, but how good it was when we were together.

Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?
Gosh, this feels like offering marathon advice when I just completed a 5K, but I think you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think of your choices. Are you raising happy, kind, healthy kids? Are you happy and healthy? Then I'm sure you are making the right choice.


Thanks Julia!

{Thank you, Mara! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}







  


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Saturday, April 15, 2017

Loving the Mom Life


I love that I am able to spend so much time at home with my kiddos. Although my counseling practice takes me away from home a few nights a month, I still consider myself a stay-at-home mom. Daytime is a fun time to be home! If I were gone during the day I would miss all the action, drama, and adventures. I see the funny things like this:
  • Simon keeps running around with a tiny purple horse from the baby's toy farm singing,"Neigh, neigh, neigh na neigh," to the tune of Daniels Tiger's Neighborhood theme song. He calls it his "cowboy horse."
  • Grace tells everyone at the grocery store that she is a princess and asks them to look at her new shoes.

I spend half of dinner telling my husband about all the cute (or mischievous) things our kids did during the day. There are so many exciting memories or catchphrases that I want him to know about! Such as this:
  • I fell asleep next to Grace on the floor while they were watching cartoons. I woke up to her kissing my cheek and saying, "Hi Mommy."
  • Ruby smiles at me from across the room, then she hugs me before continuing to play with her toys.

Sure spending all these hours with the kids is trying at times. The occasional tantrums get old. The picky eating at meals gets old. By afternoon, I am ready for them to take naps! And I love my freedom during nap time. However, I consider myself lucky that I get to see all these precious moments throughout their day. I watch the kids solve problems together. I see them play together. I see their little personalities developing before my eyes.
I get to teach them lessons about love, sharing, forgiveness, apologizing, determination, perseverance, fun, and honesty. I get to build them up and encourage them. I enjoy telling them about how amazing their daddy is, and how excited he is to come home and play. We all really try to make family life an enjoyable life.

Now, I am aware that not every family lives in the same situation as my own. Each family is unique and different. Yet, I assert that looking for positive qualities in your family time helps to make the monotony exciting and enjoyable. In the future, I'm sure my kids will ask me questions about their childhood, and I hope I remember all their fun quirks. I imagine they'll love hearing stories then, as much as I love telling them now.

Simon flying in the rocket ship he made out of toys.





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Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Mom potty training boy in public


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Monday, March 13, 2017

Moms Make it Work Jeane Stay at Home German Mom in Ohio


Today on the Moms Make it Work series, we have Jeane who is German, married an American (after meeting him in Germany), and now lives in Ohio. They have four beautiful children and Jeane stays at home with them---something that many German moms aren't accustomed to doing. Her post is extra interesting to read when you compare it to Sarah's post from 8/7/14: Sarah is an American mom now living in Germany (and staying at home) versus Jeane: a German mom now living in America (and staying at home). I really enjoyed Jeane's post and I know she was nervous about grammatical errors since English is not her native language, but I thought it read really well!

momsmakeitwork



 
Hi everybody. My name is Jeane and I am super excited to participate in the “Moms Make It Work” series.

-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

About me… I am originally from Berlin, Germany. So I’d like to apologize for any grammar mistakes or weird sounding, and especially super long sentences (Germans are known for those ;-)) since I’m not a native English speaker.

I met my husband in Berlin in 2001 when we both started working at the same institute. He is from the US and came over for a year to work on his Ph.D. We met right at the beginning of his 1 year stay, so we had the entire year to date and finally realized that we’d like to try and make this thing work. He went back to the States in the fall of 2002 and I had to finish my vocational school first, which was until the end of 2004. It’s hard to translate what this means in English but you pretty much go to school and to work for 3 years and practice the job you’d eventually would like to specialize and work in.  For me this was the field of accounting.

We saw each other quite often during our long distance relationship and I had my first visit to the States. Since his chances for a job in Germany were super slim, we made the decision of me immigrating to the US. So I finally moved here in December 2004, and we got married in February 2005.
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Saying good-bye to family and friends at the Berlin airport (hardest day of my life)

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Since I was here on a visa and getting the Green Card took a long time, I wasn’t allowed to work right away and had to wait at least 3-4 months to start looking for a job. He also got a job offer in Ohio at the Miami University as a Professor, so that’s where we moved shortly after I got here. We had talked about, while dating, that we’d love to have 2, maybe 3 kids. So when he got the job offer, we also decided to start trying for a baby and got pregnant right away. We welcomed our first daughter, Laney, in November 2005.

My husband and I had talked about a lot beforehand on how we would like to raise our kids. SAHM vs. working. In Germany staying home is not common at all so it felt kind of weird to me to have him go to work and me stay home with the little one.

We then added another girl, Olivia, to our family in 2007. In 2010 we had another girl, Anabel and thought we were done… but that’s not how it works sometimes, so we had our 4th child, our son Jacob, in 2012.

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So as of right now I’m a mom of 4 and their ages are 8, 6, 4, and 2 and stay home with them (well, besides the two older ones going to school) while my husband works at Miami University.

2014-06-15_0011 What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

The best part of this situation is that I am around my kids all day. I love that I am able to take them on little trips during the day, have play dates with other moms, just hang out with them at home, to be there for them right away when they need me. I love that after a long day, and even though I’m probably totally exhausted, that I know that this is the right way for us to raise our kids. I love being their mom and I love that we have this opportunity for me to stay home with them.

With that being said… there are of course challenges. Although being home with 4 kids for pretty much all day can be very rewarding it is also very very exhausting at times. There are days where I am counting the hours until bed time (I hate to admit this but yeah, that’s how it is). The two older girls don’t really get along well at this point in their lives and it is exhausting to watch and hard to “change”.

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 -Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

Like I said, it isn’t very common in Germany to stay home with the kids. We do get a pretty good maternity leave (up to 3 years if you wish, although most moms get back to work around 1 year since after the 1 year mark it will be unpaid leave) but everything after that is very very rare. So no, this is not how I expected it to be pre-kids. I thought I’d stay home that first year and then start back in my profession.

I also honestly never thought I would have 4 kids since this is also something that you don’t really see in Germany. Occasionally you see families with more than 2 kids but the average is 2 kids per family. The 6 of us are always quite the sight when we visit Germany ;-). So only when I realized that I will move to the States and my husband will have a job that can support me staying home I started to think about it more and started realizing that I would like to give this a try. 15We just spent 6 months in Germany and were able to be with my family for Christmas. It was the best time we ever had

10 
German carnival at the girls’ school

30 
German school they went to

37 
First day of German preschool

35Oma and Opa picking her up from preschool

-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

Yes, as of right now this is our ideal situation. I can’t imagine not being around my kids and can’t imagine going to work and having to drop them off at daycare. There have been days (when nothing is going right and the kids are fighting all day long) that I wish I could work part-time but those are usually just short-lived thoughts and are only based on a bad mood. As of right now I am staying home at least until Jacob will be in 1st grade and everybody will be gone all day. Kindergarten here is half-day so I’d still like to be home for that year.
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-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

My husband and I started talking about what to do once all 4 kids will be in school all day long. I’m kind of dreading thinking about it since my degree I got in Germany doesn’t really mean much here and it also has been awhile since I last worked outside the home. But yes, eventually I will start getting a degree. In what field, that is still the question. I’d love to start working at my husbands university as an accountant or some kind of secretary work but would love for it to be half-day. That way I can still be home in time for when the kids get of the bus. I have also started a little photography business but due to my main focus on being with my kids and family, it is VERY slow going. I have maybe 1 or 2 photo shoots a months, which is totally fine with me. I am not sure yet if this might be something I get more invested in it once the time has arrived. It’s all still very unclear what I’ll be doing in around 3 years.

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-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

 I do like being spontaneous but right now it is a much smarter move for us to plan ahead. I do meal planning, try to see if I can set up play dates in advance and have at least one or two activities per week planned. With having 4 kids our schedules are super tight, especially in the afternoon. There is swim class, ballet class, Girl Scout for 2 of them, gymnastich, etc. etc. It sometimes is hard for me to not freak out and lose sight of all of it. My husband and I constantly have to check each others calendar and everything needs to be planned way ahead.

I couldn’t do this without my husband. He is amazing and so incredibly involved with the kids. I am baffled sometimes where he takes all the energy from. He comes home after a long day at work and takes over with the kids and gives me a break, to cook, to go to appointments I have, etc. or just to head out for an hour. His job is very flexible, which I am very grateful for and I think part of the reason why things work so well in our house.

It is super hard not having family around. Not only feeling guilty for taking my parents the opportunity to watch their only grandkids grow up but also to be on your own and not having that  ‘built in babysitter’ that would love to watch your kids for free ;-) I envy the moms and dads that have family close and have an extra set of hands when they are in need. So we were on our own for a long time but then started making friends with some amazing people that are like family to us now and are the most helpful people in the world.

17My girlfriends I have also started to have some me-time. I always felt guilty to get a sitter so I could do something on my own. It took me 4 years until I had one come watch my kids. I do feel guilty sometimes even about that but there are days where I really need that time for myself.

2014-06-15_0014My husband and I got to visit the volcano Etna in Italy for our very belated honeymoon this year ;-), went to Paris, and got to visit the tulip fields in Holland

-How do you handle mommy guilt?

Hmmm… I occasionally feel guilty that I get to stay home and my husband has to work. I feel guilty for getting a break when it’s nap time for the little ones and I can hang out on the computer or read a book or even get a nap. I don’t think I handle it very well then. I feel like I should do more. Especially when talking to my friends in Germany, that are all working moms… that’s the worst. I feel like I’m not good enough since I don’t contribute to our income. Then I get a meltdown and just feel miserable. That’s when my husband jumps in and keeps telling me that if I wouldn’t stay home with the kids, then he couldn’t do the job he is doing as good as he does and so without me and me being a SAHM, he wouldn’t contribute as well as he does. I hope this kind of makes sense? Not sure how to explain it but it sounds reasonable when he says it to me, haha.

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So yeah, he is my rock.

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-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

 Like mentioned above, we do meal planning for our family. I am the one that is in charge of that and even though sometimes it can be kind of frustrating (when not everybody agrees with the meal we are having) I LOVE it. I love making lists of options what to eat. I include the kids’ suggestions and we come up with something that hopefully everybody will like. I go grocery shopping at the supermarket once a week but also try to go to the Farmers Market in town. I am also the one that cooks in our family, except when it comes to grilling. This huge thing intimates me and so this is my husband’s job ;-)

-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

We have good days and bad days when it comes to the cleanliness of our house. We live in a 3 bedroom ranch and it seems like there is stuff every.where!!! The girls want to keep every single drawing they made and things just get out of control sometimes. So on days where I’ve had enough I go on a crazy cleaning spree. We also try and pick up things as soon as we are done with it. The kids each have their own little jobs as well and I think they actually like it.

6 My mom came to visit us in the US.

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That’s how we celebrate New Years, through the web cam. They are 6 hours ahead, so we get to see each other twice that night ;-).

13My girls LOVE their Oma and were very sad when we had to leave them

Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying home is the right choice? 


It is hard to give advice since I have only seen one side of this whole thing but I’d say that if you are struggling to decide if staying home is the right choice and you have the opportunity to then I would definitely give it a try. If you realize that this isn’t for you after all then at least you know you have given it a try and could still start going back to work. To me it is amazing how rewarding this is for me to stay at home with my kids.  2014-06-15_0017

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Thank you for having me, Julia!
 
{Thanks, Jeane! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
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Saturday, March 11, 2017

Moms Make it Work Sarah Full Time Working Mom at NASA


Today on the Moms Make it Work series, Sarah is posting as a full-time aerospace engineer at NASA and mom to two year old Emma. Wow, right? But wait: she has also been blogging for sixteen years. Yes, seriously. When she emailed me about posting for the series I immediately said, 'Yes, please!' because her job sounds insanely cool, I love her writing style, and really enjoy hearing from moms who love life....and dare I say it? Make it work! Enjoy;)


momsmakeitwork




mmiw-1
(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography)

Hi everyone! As soon as I saw Julia’s MMIW series, I wanted to be a part of it so I’m excited to be here on her blog today! I’m Sarah, I’m 36 years old, and I live in the suburbs of Houston, TX with my husband Jose and our 2-year-old daughter Emma. I’ve had a personal blog since 1998 -- yes, before the word "blog" had been invented! -- and although the first few years are no longer online, pretty much everything I’ve written since 2001 can be found at saroy.net. (Don’t go too deep into the archives unless you want to read the ramblings of an angst-y 20-something just out of college. You’ve been warned!) You can also find me as “saroy” on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I grew up in Charlotte, NC and have bachelor’s and master’s degrees in aerospace engineering from Georgia Tech and Stanford, respectively. When I was a sophomore at Tech, I was hired as a cooperative education student (similar to a paid intern) by NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. I alternated spending semesters at school with semesters working in Houston, and when I finished grad school in 2002, I joined NASA full-time.
mmiw-2
(At the Rendezvous console in Mission Control, February 2011)

For several years, I was a flight controller in Mission Control for the space shuttle, but when the shuttle stopped flying in 2011, I moved to a different group and now work on the International Space Station (ISS) program making sure day-to-day operations on the station are done safely. (Did you know the ISS has been orbiting the Earth since 1998 and there have been people onboard 24/7 since 2000? It’s pretty amazing!)
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(Photo by Christine Tremoulet, May 2009)

My husband works for NASA too, which is where we met in 2006 when we both worked in the same building. (Johnson Space Center is like a college campus with dozens of buildings and thousands of employees, and there are a lot of "NASA couples.") We got married in 2009 and Emma was born in 2012. She just turned 2 a few weeks ago, and amazes me daily with how much she is learning and changing and growing!
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(Hamming it up for a 2nd birthday home "photoshoot" a few weeks ago)


What else? I like to sew and quilt and craft, run and do triathlons (although I haven't done many in the last couple years), and I just finished my Master’s Degree in Digital Media. I loved creative things as a kid and sometimes I wonder how I ended up in engineering -- but the truth is that I love both, and I like finding ways to mix both my creative and technical sides.

What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

Being a federal government employee has some big advantages that help make our life work. My salary is competitive within my industry, but I rarely have to work more than 40 hours per week and I have a LOT of schedule flexibility -- I’m allowed to manage my time as I see fit (within reason) as long as I’m getting my work done.
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(Floating on the "weightless wonder" -- an airplane that flies a specific flight path to provide short periods of weightlessness aka zero gravity.)

On top of that, Johnson Space Center has done a lot in recent years to promote work-life balance. I can telework from home every once in a while if I need to, and by working an extra hour each Monday through Thursday, I’m able to take every other Friday as a "flex day" off while Emma still goes to daycare. The “me time” that gives me has been invaluable! I can catch up on errands and stuff around the house, and also do a couple fun things for myself like sew or get a pedicure.

When Emma was born, I took 12 weeks of maternity leave. Federal employment policies allow you to use accrued sick leave for the first 6-8 weeks and accrued annual leave after that, so fortunately all but a few days of those 12 weeks were paid leave. (The fact that paid maternity leave is not standard in this country appalls me.) When those 12 weeks were up, I went back to work with zero hesitation. Although my own mother stayed at home for many years, I never really considered it as an option for myself -- I’m happy in my job and career, and I don’t think I would enjoy staying home.
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(First official family photo, taken in the hospital, August 2012)
Still, even though I was 100% confident in my decision to return to work, it has its challenges. Like I mentioned earlier, the space station is a 24/7 operation -- so even though my schedule is flexible most of the time, things can change at a moment's notice and is entirely out of my control. If a piece of hardware breaks or a launch is delayed or there is an emergency in orbit, an otherwise normal work week can suddenly become very intense. Fortunately, this doesn't happen often!

Working in general means that weekday mornings are never relaxing. Instead, we're rushing around the house trying to get out the door on time. I support regular early morning telecons with space station partners in Russia, Europe and Japan, which only adds to the morning craziness. And when Emma is sick (and she was sick a LOT that first year), Jose and I end up having to play the not-very-fun game of "who has the more important meetings today" to figure out who stays home with her.
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(Hanging out after my second post-baby triathlon, June 2013)

I still struggle mightily with not being able to get "everything" done, and with managing my own expectations of myself. (For instance, this month I decided I would make four quilts as gifts for various people. FOUR. Who does that??) This frustration is exacerbated by the fact that I tend to be a perfectionist, and have a hard time asking for help -- even from my husband. I've gotten better at accepting that my living room will indefinitely look like a tornado came through and that sometimes the dishes won't get done right away, but it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by the constant barrage of chores and other obligations.

Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
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(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography, July 2012)

Right now, yes, but last year, not so much. Adjusting to life as a mom was rough and I might as well be honest here and admit that the baby phase maybe isn’t totally my thing. Whenever I pictured having a kid, I’d imagine things like going to the zoo or riding bikes or helping them with homework -- kid stuff, not baby stuff. I knew that life would be different, but having a child is just one of those things in life that you can't totally prepare for -- I didn't truly know how I would feel until I was in it. I struggled a lot with trying to balance all the things the "old" me wanted to do with all the things (good and bad) required of the "new" me as a mother.
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(During a trip to Seattle in May, with Emma helpfully pointing at a bus -- one of her favorite things)

But as Emma has grown from baby to toddler, things have gotten so much better! One of Jose's coworkers told him that once your kid turns 1, life sort of goes back to normal, and that has really proven true in our case. We both feel more confident in our roles as parents, I've relaxed a bit, and Emma can now interact with us which is just so, so, so amazing and awesome! Life with a kid these days is a lot more like I originally envisioned.

Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

You know, I think it’s pretty close. Despite my tendency to stress over what is ultimately little stuff, at the end of the day I remember that I've got a happy and healthy family, good friends, and a career that I enjoy. If I could change one thing about my current situation, it would be proximity to family. My husband's family is a 4-hour drive away and getting to mine requires a plane flight. This never bothered me before, but since having Emma I've become keenly aware of how nice it would be to have the option of seeing our families more than once every few months. (And yes, being able to use them as babysitters for the occasional date night!)
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(Photo by Two Feet Four Feet Photography, April 2014)

Another thing is that now that Emma is 2, the obvious question for most people seems to be whether we'll be adding another child to our family, and the answer is...I don't know. I have a history of pregnancy loss, and at 36, I now qualify as “advanced maternal age” (geez I hate that term) as well. I don’t know what the future holds...but we'll see!


Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I do feel confident that I will always be working in some capacity, and it's strange for me to think about how Emma's childhood will differ from my own because of that. My mom stayed at home for years and even after she went back to teaching, she had summers off to spend with my siblings and me. I never went to daycare and only did the occasional summer church camp. In contrast, Emma will always be in daycare, school, or summer camps. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it's jarring to realize that her childhood will be different than what I had.

But beyond that -- whew. My career goals are something I am REALLY struggling with right now. NASA is a huge organization so even though I’ve been with the same "company" my whole career, I’ve changed jobs within NASA twice already. I’ve been in my current role for almost 4 years and although I really like where I am now, I’m also starting to feel the itch to try something new.
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(Me with 6-week-old Emma as the space shuttle Endeavour flew over Johnson Space Center on the 747 carrier airplane, September 2012)

The big question for me is always whether to leave NASA for private industry. I've been with the government for 15+ years and there are a lot of practical reasons to stay, like retirement plans/pensions and the overall combination of high job security and high flexibility. On top of that, the space program is a pretty niche market and I often wonder whether my skills would even translate well to other engineering jobs after having been entrenched in the "NASA bubble" for so long. These questions are all compounded by the fact that my husband has similar skills and the same employer. We talk about potentially moving to other cities that might get us a little closer to family, but aerospace jobs don't really exist in a lot of places so our skills don’t feel as “portable” as those of, say, an accountant or doctor or teacher.

I mentioned earlier that I just graduated with an M.A. in Digital Media Studies, which I earned from a local college after nearly a decade of working on it part-time (including some time off when life got busy). Art and design has always been something I love and when I started the classes, I was single and wanted something to fall back on when the space shuttle program ended -- just in case. Things have changed a lot since then, but now that I'm finished with the degree, I've been thinking a lot about how I could put it to good use. I've done some freelance design work in the past, and have thought a lot about starting a small freelance business...but I don't feel like I'm currently capable of putting in the effort that would require right. I hope to revisit the idea in a few years though!

Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

First and foremost is a daycare that we LOVE. We're very happy with the care and attention Emma gets on a daily basis, and that makes it so much easier to leave her there and head to the office without worry. They provide breakfast, lunch and snacks so I never have to pack food, which saves time and effort as well. It's also located on the NASA campus, which is extremely convenient -- I can easily can stop by for events and holiday parties, and Jose and I are able to trade dropoff/pickup duty as needed depending on our schedules.
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(Halloween at daycare, October 2013)

Trading tasks is something we do a LOT, and I think it helps prevent either of us from getting burned out on any single task. The schedule isn't set in stone, but on any given day either one of us might be cooking dinner, giving Emma her bath, reading books before bedtime, etc. On weekends when possible, we trade getting up early with Emma so that each of us gets one day to sleep in.

Since we don't have family in the area and haven't found a regular, dependable babysitter (it's on the to-do list!), we also take full advantage of the "parents' night out" that the daycare does every other month to have a date night. We also designate some Saturday nights at home as couple time. We usually just watch a movie together after Emma has gone to bed, but it's good to know we will spend that time together as opposed to each doing our own thing.

How do you handle mommy guilt?

How do I handle it? Not very well! On weekdays, I only have 3-4 hours with Emma awake on weekdays, and most of that is spent getting ready for the day, dinner, and the bathtime/bedtime routine. Even though I want to work, I have a hard time not comparing myself to the moms I see around me and feeling like I don't do enough. There were a lot of tears (from me!) in that first year, but as time passes I'm learning, and it gets easier. I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can, and that I'm doing what's right for me and my family, so when my emotions start to get the best of me I just try to remind myself of that.
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(Run/walking a 5K together, April 2014)

Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Gosh, this is such a personal decision, isn't it? There are obvious financial implications to consider -- work brings income, but daycare is expensive, etc -- but working vs. staying home is often so much more than that. As long as either option works financially, I really just think women should do what feels right. If you want to stay home with your kids -- do it! If you want to work -- do it! If you are happy, it's a lot easier for your kids to be happy too.

I'd also advise women to give themselves plenty of time to make the right decision. Don't do anything irreversible in the first weeks or months of being a mom or being back at work. While I was excited to return to my job, it was still SO hard to leave Emma at daycare -- but it does get easier! (And if it doesn't get easier as the weeks go by, that may help you make your decision too.)
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(Splash pad fun, May 2014)

How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

We eat together as a family almost every night -- it's what my family did when I was young, and it was important to me to do it with my own children. This means that we eat a lot earlier than we did pre-kid, but it's worth it. I started meal planning on a very low-key basis a couple months ago to make our weeknights a little smoother; we have a dozen or so "go-to" meals and I just choose 5-6 of those each week. We eat out most Fridays, and often go out to lunch on weekends.

On nights that I know we'll be getting home late (like Thursdays, when we do swimming lessons), I plan to have something super quick like a bag of frozen pasta or microwaving prepackaged seasoned meat and eating it with rice. It'd be great if everything we ate was fresh and made from scratch -- but that's just not realistic for our family. I just try to strike a balance between using convenience foods and eating reasonably healthy, and I think we're doing a good job of that.

I try to grocery shop every Sunday, because I've found that if we push it off to a weeknight, it's about 100 times more stressful. Sometimes we go to the store as a family, and sometimes my husband goes alone.

How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

After Emma was born, I spent several months completely overwhelmed and stressed out by trying to keep the house clean. Finally I decided that since we have the means, I was going to hire out whatever I could. When Emma was ~6 weeks old, the guy mowing my neighbor's yard noticed my sky-high grass and knocked on my door. I hired him on the spot and he's been doing our lawn ever since. When she was ~9 months old, I hired a cleaning service to cover the house from top to bottom every two weeks. They do a great job and it eliminates a major stressor for me.

Thanks so much Julia for hosting this series and letting me participate! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading my wordy post! I love hearing other moms' stories and experiences and hope you've enjoyed mine too.

{Thanks, Sarah! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
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