Scarlett Pannebaker

Thirty Seven weeks: 5.9.12








 

Photo Thoughts: My 'first born' Henry dog was much more willing to get in this picture than Truman was this week. Didn't forget about him, did you? And see? My belly isn't as huge as it looked last week in that pink shirt. Yes, I look very pregnant but it's not as startling to look at these images this week for me.


Size of baby: A wintermelon according to TB, or swiss chard according to BC. I am holding random, half-eaten green leaf lettuce because I thought that might be sort of similar to swiss chard. Sigh. From here on out, it's basically just pumpkins and watermelons so I was stuck this week.

Cravings/Diet: Not reaching the second trimester 'starvation' mode but I've had a few moments of being super hungry again. But then I get full really fast and feel super uncomfortable. Food is such a tease.

What I love: I'm full term, baby! I just want to write that in all caps and leave the rest of this post for some other time because WOAH. FULL TERM. Cue the squealing on my part. I cannot believe I am here and I'm fighting back tears when I think about the beginning of this pregnancy. It was so scary, so hard to stay positive, and so uncertain. This baby girl was a 'probable miscarriage'. I would have given anything in the world to be 37 weeks along at 6 weeks when I was bleeding scary amounts of blood. And now I am full term. Words just can't express the gratitude.

What I'm looking forward to the most: Having her. The anticipation is killing me!

Worries: My OB appt last week was a good one but guess who is lucky enough to have Group B Strep again? Me. I had it with Truman and you only have a 30% chance of having it with each individual pregnancy, but I'm one of those lucky 30% for round two. It's really not a big deal at all, since all it means is that I need to try and get to the hospital with at least 4-5 hours before baby girl makes her entrance. They like to give IV antibiotics to 'flush' the system of this intestinal bug that comes and goes in all of us (no, it's not an STD, thanks) that has absolutely no symptoms for the mom, but it could potentially make a baby sick with pnuemonia or other infection. But even if I don't get to the hospital with that much time to spare (since I was technically in labor for 40 hours with Truman and I still didn't get the antibiotics at just the right time, 4 hours before delivery) it should be okay because they only see babies become affected 1.5% of the time WITHOUT the antibiotics. Truman was fine and I'm sure this baby would be fine. But it's just one more thing to worry about even though I know I have a 98.5% chance of it being a non-issue. I was SO hoping for a fast delivery but now I'm nervous about knowing when to head to the hospital versus letting myself labor at home until the point of no return. I don't want to jump the gun and get there at the first contraction but I also don't want to wait too long and then have her come super fast once we are there. I guess only time will tell.

What is different this time around: Last time the 37 week update was my last one for the entire pregnancy!!! Does that boggle your mind as much as mine? My induction started at 37w5d and I had Truman right at 38w0d. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that after next Wednesday, assuming I'm still pregnant, that will be the most pregnant I've been and I will be entering new 'Super Pregnant Woman' territory. Still doing great with my BP this time so I'm thinking that pre-E might miss me as a victim for baby #2 (please don't jinx me, blog world). I'm really feeling a lot better overall because I'm not dealing with the BP and the labs and multiple appointments and fatigue. And this week I haven't had too many timeable BH contractions but they were just starting up last time.

So I guess the overall theme for this pregnancy has been: rough and scary complications in the beginning, but totally normal for the rest of the time (so far). And with Truman it was the opposite: picture perfect pregnancy until 34 weeks and then the complications came.

Symptoms: Definitely feeling more uncomfortable this week. It's hard to sit still which means driving in my car for work is really awful at times. My middle back and upper stomach are just so freaking tender and painful at times. It's hard to roll over in bed, I get out of breath easily, and I notice myself feeling winded if I wind up flat on my back in bed. But really, overall, I'd still stay I'm feeling pretty darn good for 37 weeks. Especially in the beginning of the day, I feel amazing. Then by the end I'm totally ready for bed and feel grouchy and impatient. I hope that is normal for this stage.

Sleep: A little less restful lately, waking up in the wee hours to find a more comfortable position. Which can sometimes be impossible but for the most part I still sleep like a rock.

Movement: Huge, painful kicks at the top of my belly and into my ribs. I love it so much and am really starting to think about how I'm not going to have her all to myself in a few more weeks. I just adore feeling my child move inside my belly and I'm SO going to miss this!

The belly: Very high, according to most, and my linea negra is much darker this week, too. The belly button is still comical and although I feel pretty huge I realize that my bump is not really THAT astounding compared to a lot of other girls 3 weeks away from d-day. I am also going to miss the bump when I'm not pregnant anymore. Not looking forward to the after-birth belly that will likely stick around for awhile: flabby, soft, and just an odd/in between stage. I'll enjoy my firm, high bump for now!

Milestones: For me: making it to 37 weeks with 'stellar' blood pressure and only 30 pounds of weight gain is a big deal. Since, you know, last time at 37 weeks my BP totally sucked and I was up to about 37 el beezies with a scary 6 pound weight gain approaching in just a few more days. Baby girl is just chilling in there, laying down fat and getting her lungs ready to meet us soon. Full term, baby. Wow.

Amusing comments from the general public: I did get a classic 'How can you be due in three weeks? You are so tiiiiiiiny!' comment this week. Eh, whatever. I'm also getting a lot of patients saying goodbye to me a the end of each visit as if it's the last time they might see me. Like, 'Yeah, I'll see you again on Friday IF you don't have the baby before then.' Can't wrap my head around that statement.

Best moment of the week: I completely finished baby girl's nursery which means I get those special flutters of excitement and anticipation when I peer into her room randomly throughout the day. I'm really not trying to keep you in suspense to be a tease but it just seems silly to show you her nursery now, since I'd have to blur out her name on a few key pieces of decor. I'd rather just wait and show you the real deal in a few more weeks because it will be a lot prettier without giant blurs--and I know that will only fuel the fire to 'figure out' her name under those blurs:) But anyway, the best moment of the week had to have been when I hung the final picture frame on her wall, sat back in the new rocker, and daydreamed about bringing baby girl home to this happy little room. Cannot freaking wait!

Today on the Moms Make it Work series, Sarah is posting as a full-time aerospace engineer at NASA and mom to two year old Emma. Wow, right? But wait: she has also been blogging for sixteen years. Yes, seriously. When she emailed me about posting for the series I immediately said, 'Yes, please!' because her job sounds insanely cool, I love her writing style, and really enjoy hearing from moms who love life....and dare I say it? Make it work! Enjoy;)







Hi everyone! As soon as I saw Julia’s MMIW series, I wanted to be a part of it so I’m excited to be here on her blog today! I’m Sarah, I’m 36 years old, and I live in the suburbs of Houston, TX with my husband Jose and our 2-year-old daughter Emma. I’ve had a personal blog since 1998 -- yes, before the word "blog" had been invented! -- and although the first few years are no longer online, pretty much everything I’ve written since 2001 can be found at saroy.net. (Don’t go too deep into the archives unless you want to read the ramblings of an angst-y 20-something just out of college. You’ve been warned!) You can also find me as “saroy” on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I grew up in Charlotte, NC and have bachelor’s and master’s degrees in aerospace engineering from Georgia Tech and Stanford, respectively. When I was a sophomore at Tech, I was hired as a cooperative education student (similar to a paid intern) by NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. I alternated spending semesters at school with semesters working in Houston, and when I finished grad school in 2002, I joined NASA full-time.
For several years, I was a flight controller in Mission Control for the space shuttle, but when the shuttle stopped flying in 2011, I moved to a different group and now work on the International Space Station (ISS) program making sure day-to-day operations on the station are done safely. (Did you know the ISS has been orbiting the Earth since 1998 and there have been people onboard 24/7 since 2000? It’s pretty amazing!)
My husband works for NASA too, which is where we met in 2006 when we both worked in the same building. (Johnson Space Center is like a college campus with dozens of buildings and thousands of employees, and there are a lot of "NASA couples.") We got married in 2009 and Emma was born in 2012. She just turned 2 a few weeks ago, and amazes me daily with how much she is learning and changing and growing!
What else? I like to sew and quilt and craft, run and do triathlons (although I haven't done many in the last couple years), and I just finished my Master’s Degree in Digital Media. I loved creative things as a kid and sometimes I wonder how I ended up in engineering -- but the truth is that I love both, and I like finding ways to mix both my creative and technical sides.

What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

Being a federal government employee has some big advantages that help make our life work. My salary is competitive within my industry, but I rarely have to work more than 40 hours per week and I have a LOT of schedule flexibility -- I’m allowed to manage my time as I see fit (within reason) as long as I’m getting my work done.
On top of that, Johnson Space Center has done a lot in recent years to promote work-life balance. I can telework from home every once in a while if I need to, and by working an extra hour each Monday through Thursday, I’m able to take every other Friday as a "flex day" off while Emma still goes to daycare. The “me time” that gives me has been invaluable! I can catch up on errands and stuff around the house, and also do a couple fun things for myself like sew or get a pedicure.

When Emma was born, I took 12 weeks of maternity leave. Federal employment policies allow you to use accrued sick leave for the first 6-8 weeks and accrued annual leave after that, so fortunately all but a few days of those 12 weeks were paid leave. (The fact that paid maternity leave is not standard in this country appalls me.) When those 12 weeks were up, I went back to work with zero hesitation. Although my own mother stayed at home for many years, I never really considered it as an option for myself -- I’m happy in my job and career, and I don’t think I would enjoy staying home.
Still, even though I was 100% confident in my decision to return to work, it has its challenges. Like I mentioned earlier, the space station is a 24/7 operation -- so even though my schedule is flexible most of the time, things can change at a moment's notice and is entirely out of my control. If a piece of hardware breaks or a launch is delayed or there is an emergency in orbit, an otherwise normal work week can suddenly become very intense. Fortunately, this doesn't happen often!

Working in general means that weekday mornings are never relaxing. Instead, we're rushing around the house trying to get out the door on time. I support regular early morning telecons with space station partners in Russia, Europe and Japan, which only adds to the morning craziness. And when Emma is sick (and she was sick a LOT that first year), Jose and I end up having to play the not-very-fun game of "who has the more important meetings today" to figure out who stays home with her.
I still struggle mightily with not being able to get "everything" done, and with managing my own expectations of myself. (For instance, this month I decided I would make four quilts as gifts for various people. FOUR. Who does that??) This frustration is exacerbated by the fact that I tend to be a perfectionist, and have a hard time asking for help -- even from my husband. I've gotten better at accepting that my living room will indefinitely look like a tornado came through and that sometimes the dishes won't get done right away, but it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by the constant barrage of chores and other obligations.

Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
Right now, yes, but last year, not so much. Adjusting to life as a mom was rough and I might as well be honest here and admit that the baby phase maybe isn’t totally my thing. Whenever I pictured having a kid, I’d imagine things like going to the zoo or riding bikes or helping them with homework -- kid stuff, not baby stuff. I knew that life would be different, but having a child is just one of those things in life that you can't totally prepare for -- I didn't truly know how I would feel until I was in it. I struggled a lot with trying to balance all the things the "old" me wanted to do with all the things (good and bad) required of the "new" me as a mother.
But as Emma has grown from baby to toddler, things have gotten so much better! One of Jose's coworkers told him that once your kid turns 1, life sort of goes back to normal, and that has really proven true in our case. We both feel more confident in our roles as parents, I've relaxed a bit, and Emma can now interact with us which is just so, so, so amazing and awesome! Life with a kid these days is a lot more like I originally envisioned.

Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

You know, I think it’s pretty close. Despite my tendency to stress over what is ultimately little stuff, at the end of the day I remember that I've got a happy and healthy family, good friends, and a career that I enjoy. If I could change one thing about my current situation, it would be proximity to family. My husband's family is a 4-hour drive away and getting to mine requires a plane flight. This never bothered me before, but since having Emma I've become keenly aware of how nice it would be to have the option of seeing our families more than once every few months. (And yes, being able to use them as babysitters for the occasional date night!)
Another thing is that now that Emma is 2, the obvious question for most people seems to be whether we'll be adding another child to our family, and the answer is...I don't know. I have a history of pregnancy loss, and at 36, I now qualify as “advanced maternal age” (geez I hate that term) as well. I don’t know what the future holds...but we'll see!


Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I do feel confident that I will always be working in some capacity, and it's strange for me to think about how Emma's childhood will differ from my own because of that. My mom stayed at home for years and even after she went back to teaching, she had summers off to spend with my siblings and me. I never went to daycare and only did the occasional summer church camp. In contrast, Emma will always be in daycare, school, or summer camps. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it's jarring to realize that her childhood will be different than what I had.

But beyond that -- whew. My career goals are something I am REALLY struggling with right now. NASA is a huge organization so even though I’ve been with the same "company" my whole career, I’ve changed jobs within NASA twice already. I’ve been in my current role for almost 4 years and although I really like where I am now, I’m also starting to feel the itch to try something new.
The big question for me is always whether to leave NASA for private industry. I've been with the government for 15+ years and there are a lot of practical reasons to stay, like retirement plans/pensions and the overall combination of high job security and high flexibility. On top of that, the space program is a pretty niche market and I often wonder whether my skills would even translate well to other engineering jobs after having been entrenched in the "NASA bubble" for so long. These questions are all compounded by the fact that my husband has similar skills and the same employer. We talk about potentially moving to other cities that might get us a little closer to family, but aerospace jobs don't really exist in a lot of places so our skills don’t feel as “portable” as those of, say, an accountant or doctor or teacher.

I mentioned earlier that I just graduated with an M.A. in Digital Media Studies, which I earned from a local college after nearly a decade of working on it part-time (including some time off when life got busy). Art and design has always been something I love and when I started the classes, I was single and wanted something to fall back on when the space shuttle program ended -- just in case. Things have changed a lot since then, but now that I'm finished with the degree, I've been thinking a lot about how I could put it to good use. I've done some freelance design work in the past, and have thought a lot about starting a small freelance business...but I don't feel like I'm currently capable of putting in the effort that would require right. I hope to revisit the idea in a few years though!

Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

First and foremost is a daycare that we LOVE. We're very happy with the care and attention Emma gets on a daily basis, and that makes it so much easier to leave her there and head to the office without worry. They provide breakfast, lunch and snacks so I never have to pack food, which saves time and effort as well. It's also located on the NASA campus, which is extremely convenient -- I can easily can stop by for events and holiday parties, and Jose and I are able to trade dropoff/pickup duty as needed depending on our schedules.
Trading tasks is something we do a LOT, and I think it helps prevent either of us from getting burned out on any single task. The schedule isn't set in stone, but on any given day either one of us might be cooking dinner, giving Emma her bath, reading books before bedtime, etc. On weekends when possible, we trade getting up early with Emma so that each of us gets one day to sleep in.

Since we don't have family in the area and haven't found a regular, dependable babysitter (it's on the to-do list!), we also take full advantage of the "parents' night out" that the daycare does every other month to have a date night. We also designate some Saturday nights at home as couple time. We usually just watch a movie together after Emma has gone to bed, but it's good to know we will spend that time together as opposed to each doing our own thing.

How do you handle mommy guilt?

How do I handle it? Not very well! On weekdays, I only have 3-4 hours with Emma awake on weekdays, and most of that is spent getting ready for the day, dinner, and the bathtime/bedtime routine. Even though I want to work, I have a hard time not comparing myself to the moms I see around me and feeling like I don't do enough. There were a lot of tears (from me!) in that first year, but as time passes I'm learning, and it gets easier. I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can, and that I'm doing what's right for me and my family, so when my emotions start to get the best of me I just try to remind myself of that.
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Gosh, this is such a personal decision, isn't it? There are obvious financial implications to consider -- work brings income, but daycare is expensive, etc -- but working vs. staying home is often so much more than that. As long as either option works financially, I really just think women should do what feels right. If you want to stay home with your kids -- do it! If you want to work -- do it! If you are happy, it's a lot easier for your kids to be happy too.

I'd also advise women to give themselves plenty of time to make the right decision. Don't do anything irreversible in the first weeks or months of being a mom or being back at work. While I was excited to return to my job, it was still SO hard to leave Emma at daycare -- but it does get easier! (And if it doesn't get easier as the weeks go by, that may help you make your decision too.)
How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

We eat together as a family almost every night -- it's what my family did when I was young, and it was important to me to do it with my own children. This means that we eat a lot earlier than we did pre-kid, but it's worth it. I started meal planning on a very low-key basis a couple months ago to make our weeknights a little smoother; we have a dozen or so "go-to" meals and I just choose 5-6 of those each week. We eat out most Fridays, and often go out to lunch on weekends.

On nights that I know we'll be getting home late (like Thursdays, when we do swimming lessons), I plan to have something super quick like a bag of frozen pasta or microwaving prepackaged seasoned meat and eating it with rice. It'd be great if everything we ate was fresh and made from scratch -- but that's just not realistic for our family. I just try to strike a balance between using convenience foods and eating reasonably healthy, and I think we're doing a good job of that.

I try to grocery shop every Sunday, because I've found that if we push it off to a weeknight, it's about 100 times more stressful. Sometimes we go to the store as a family, and sometimes my husband goes alone.

How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

After Emma was born, I spent several months completely overwhelmed and stressed out by trying to keep the house clean. Finally I decided that since we have the means, I was going to hire out whatever I could. When Emma was ~6 weeks old, the guy mowing my neighbor's yard noticed my sky-high grass and knocked on my door. I hired him on the spot and he's been doing our lawn ever since. When she was ~9 months old, I hired a cleaning service to cover the house from top to bottom every two weeks. They do a great job and it eliminates a major stressor for me.

Thanks so much Julia for hosting this series and letting me participate! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading my wordy post! I love hearing other moms' stories and experiences and hope you've enjoyed mine too.

{Thanks, Sarah! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}