Showing posts with label Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Care. Show all posts
Sunday, May 28, 2017
The Highs and Lows of Day Care
The hardest part about going back to work is being away from Bradley (obviously). Like, really hard. Really really hard. Ok, you get it (and most of you deal with this same issue). My first two weeks back at work my mom came up to watch Bradley, so of course his care was immaculate. That made it SO easy to go back to work. The week after that was quite possibly the worst week of my life, and if you followed along on Instagram you already know about this.
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| Photo before his first day at day care |
Long story short, I went to feed Bradley on his first day at his day care and I was APPALLED by the treatment and care (or lack of care) that the babies received. Every baby was left to "cry it out" and not even glanced at, all had bright red/tear stained faces at all times, they weren't spoken to, acknowledged, etc, let alone things that were advertised to us like using sign language or even getting a snuggle here or there. There were other things I noticed too, but you get the point!
I brought up my concerns to the manager and she was a nice lady, but was super defensive and had an excuse for everything. I knew this was NOT going to work. There are very few things that can make you feel more helpless than knowing your child is not being cared for well.
I continued going each day that week so he would have at least 30 minutes of love and attention in the day and my final straw was coming into the building, hearing him crying (more like screaming) from the hallway, and seeing him flat on the ground in unassisted tummy time with his face smashed to the floor because he wasn't strong enough to be left alone. I grabbed him and they said he "just started crying" (obviously a lie by the state he was in). I left bawling because it took every ounce of me to not leave with him but I didn't know what to do about work.
I pretty much spent every waking moment researching and frantically touring other facilities since I knew he could not stay there. I didn't know what to do and was about to quit my job and just stay at home with him but LOVE my coworkers, boss and job, and didn't want to lose that as well! Plus they were beyond supportive of my hot mess self. That Thursday night, one of the facilities I toured said we could bring him in that Friday for a test day so he was out of the previous center after just four days.
When I picked him up after his "test" day at the new center he was all smiles, bright eyed, and loving life! I knew it was night and day from his time at the first place. They also created this sweet poster of all the fun he had!
We switched him right away to the new center and it has been the best decision! Granted, I will never be totally at ease being away from him but know they are loving him as much as they can, and I LOVE THEM for that! I think it helps that they all happen to be super sweet moms, too, so they get it. It is super close to my work as well, so since I EBF (exclusively breast feed) and barely pump enough, I am able to go feed him over lunch every day which uses one less bottle (and I get some snuggle time).
How cute are all of his little welcome signs?
They also had us make a sheet with some fun facts so his new friends could get to know him. :)
I'm pretty sure all of this drama caused some PPD for me (I did NOT handle it well), and I do worry that I am semi still struggling with that, but not full blown. I have to deal with it until I know if I can ever be a stay at home mom or if working mom is the life for me! For now, we are so grateful for our new center!
Here are some more cute pics they have taken of him. :)
Anyone else have as big of a constant struggle/inner conflict as me, or am I just a crazy new mom (or both)? :) And BELIEVE ME, I know that being a SAHM can be even MORE difficult!
I also feel like I am in a constant state of rushing around, not getting everything done, not spending enough time with him, while at the same time not getting enough "me" time but that is a whole other issue. The struggle is real, fellow moms! So glad we are all in this together!!
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Monday, March 20, 2017
Truly Effective Self Care
Earlier this month I gave a presentation on self-care for the ladies at church. Before I left the house that night, my husband asked what topic I would discuss. When I answered self -care, he asked, "What in the world does that mean?" I laughed and tried to explain that self-care is like me-time, but not the selfish me-time, the effective-at-helping-you-feel-better-me-time. I think he was still a bit confused when I left the house. At church, my 15 minute presentation turned into a 40 minute presentation due to all the wonderful input from my audience. (I'm glad I have such wise friends!)
When you think of the word self-care, you probably think about the adjectives rejuvenating, refreshing, and confidence-building. Done correctly, self-care becomes a wonderful addition to your weekly routine: Frazzled mom turns into calm mom, stressed out spouse turns into collected spouse, etc. You get the picture. But in order for self-care to actually be refreshing, you first need to determine the reason why you need to care for yourself.
Think about this example:
Sally is crazy upset at her friend Joanna. Because Sally is upset, she finds she is more snarky with her family and is stomping around the house. She recalls hearing about the benefits of taking a nice, long bath. So after the kids go to bed, Sally takes a nice, long bath where she keeps stewing over why Joanna is a horrible friend. After her bath she still feels tense and angry - but why? The relaxing bath didn't help Sally feel better because she tried to self-care without self-understanding.
Caring for yourself = Knowing yourself
Truly effective self-care can only restore you to your "happy place" if you take the time to understand yourself. Honestly and genuinely reflect on yourself. Discover what you are feeling deep down. That's why self-care lists can be difficult - everybody needs a personalized self-care regimen. Self-care can include taking a long bath, calling a friend, or getting a pedicure, but remember that effective self-care restores you to your happy place. If that pedicure doesn't help you move towards joy, it's not really self-care, it's just something fun.
Self-care has one purpose - to care for your body: your physical body, your spirit, your nutrition, and/or your social life. Emotions are one powerful way to gain insight into your self-care needs. If you find that you have migrated outside your happy place, then recognizing which emotion(s) pulled you away helps you discover the road back. You don't need to build a house on Frustration Avenue - analyze yourself and then drive back to your happy home.
Example #1:
You find out that some friends had a lunch date - without you. As you analyze your anger, sadness, and hurt at being left out, you realize the root of every feeling is loneliness. You realize that you've been so busy the last couple weeks that you've missed out on social time. At this point, it's easy to create the road map to your happy place. You schedule some play dates, invite a family over for dinner, and bam! After a few days, you are back at your happy place!
Example #2:
Things keep going wrong throughout the day, and you feel stretched in every responsibility. Nothing seems to be operating at 100%, and it's sooo frustrating. After some deep thought, you realize you are simply doing too much, and you are exhausted. You need more sleep. You decide to turn off all your techie devices after dinnertime and go to sleep by 10:00pm. After a few days, you feel confident again that you can handle whatever life throws at you. Feelings of peace return. Hello happy place!
Self-care requires some thought and some action, but the reward is worth the effort!
It's more than simple me-time; it's refreshing and restorative.
How do you deeply analyze how you are feeling?
How do you figure out which emotional roads you are traveling down?
Try working through emotions on a piece of paper.
Write down a simple sentence like, "I feel ________ because _________."
Then write another sentence like, "And that bothers me because I __________."
Keep it going. . .
"And that reminds me of _______ which hurts because _________."
Keep digging deeper until an emotion becomes the base.
"I'm not _____, I'm really just feeling ____________."
Once you have your root emotion, you know which road took you away from your happy place. Make a plan to return home, and follow through with your plan. Living life in your happy place is awesome. The more you come to understand yourself, the quicker you be able to catch yourself heading down the road of a negative emotion. The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you can return to your happy place. It takes time to develop this emotional intuition, and practicing effective self-care will strengthen your ability to truly know yourself.
Good luck with finding your personally effective self-care!
Leave me a comment with what works for you.
When you think of the word self-care, you probably think about the adjectives rejuvenating, refreshing, and confidence-building. Done correctly, self-care becomes a wonderful addition to your weekly routine: Frazzled mom turns into calm mom, stressed out spouse turns into collected spouse, etc. You get the picture. But in order for self-care to actually be refreshing, you first need to determine the reason why you need to care for yourself.
Think about this example:
Sally is crazy upset at her friend Joanna. Because Sally is upset, she finds she is more snarky with her family and is stomping around the house. She recalls hearing about the benefits of taking a nice, long bath. So after the kids go to bed, Sally takes a nice, long bath where she keeps stewing over why Joanna is a horrible friend. After her bath she still feels tense and angry - but why? The relaxing bath didn't help Sally feel better because she tried to self-care without self-understanding.
Caring for yourself = Knowing yourself
Truly effective self-care can only restore you to your "happy place" if you take the time to understand yourself. Honestly and genuinely reflect on yourself. Discover what you are feeling deep down. That's why self-care lists can be difficult - everybody needs a personalized self-care regimen. Self-care can include taking a long bath, calling a friend, or getting a pedicure, but remember that effective self-care restores you to your happy place. If that pedicure doesn't help you move towards joy, it's not really self-care, it's just something fun.
Self-care has one purpose - to care for your body: your physical body, your spirit, your nutrition, and/or your social life. Emotions are one powerful way to gain insight into your self-care needs. If you find that you have migrated outside your happy place, then recognizing which emotion(s) pulled you away helps you discover the road back. You don't need to build a house on Frustration Avenue - analyze yourself and then drive back to your happy home.
Example #1:
You find out that some friends had a lunch date - without you. As you analyze your anger, sadness, and hurt at being left out, you realize the root of every feeling is loneliness. You realize that you've been so busy the last couple weeks that you've missed out on social time. At this point, it's easy to create the road map to your happy place. You schedule some play dates, invite a family over for dinner, and bam! After a few days, you are back at your happy place!
Example #2:
Things keep going wrong throughout the day, and you feel stretched in every responsibility. Nothing seems to be operating at 100%, and it's sooo frustrating. After some deep thought, you realize you are simply doing too much, and you are exhausted. You need more sleep. You decide to turn off all your techie devices after dinnertime and go to sleep by 10:00pm. After a few days, you feel confident again that you can handle whatever life throws at you. Feelings of peace return. Hello happy place!
Self-care requires some thought and some action, but the reward is worth the effort!
It's more than simple me-time; it's refreshing and restorative.
How do you deeply analyze how you are feeling?
How do you figure out which emotional roads you are traveling down?
Try working through emotions on a piece of paper.
Write down a simple sentence like, "I feel ________ because _________."
Then write another sentence like, "And that bothers me because I __________."
Keep it going. . .
"And that reminds me of _______ which hurts because _________."
Keep digging deeper until an emotion becomes the base.
"I'm not _____, I'm really just feeling ____________."
Once you have your root emotion, you know which road took you away from your happy place. Make a plan to return home, and follow through with your plan. Living life in your happy place is awesome. The more you come to understand yourself, the quicker you be able to catch yourself heading down the road of a negative emotion. The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you can return to your happy place. It takes time to develop this emotional intuition, and practicing effective self-care will strengthen your ability to truly know yourself.
Good luck with finding your personally effective self-care!
Leave me a comment with what works for you.
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