The Highs and Lows of Day Care

The hardest part about going back to work is being away from Bradley (obviously).  Like, really hard.  Really really hard.  Ok, you get it (and most of you deal with this same issue).  My first two weeks back at work my mom came up to watch Bradley, so of course his care was immaculate.  That made it SO easy to go back to work.  The week after that was quite possibly the worst week of my life, and if you followed along on Instagram you already know about this.  

Photo before his first day at day care

Long story short, I went to feed Bradley on his first day at his day care and I was APPALLED by the treatment and care (or lack of care) that the babies received.  Every baby was left to "cry it out" and not even glanced at, all had bright red/tear stained faces at all times, they weren't spoken to, acknowledged, etc, let alone things that were advertised to us like using sign language or even getting a snuggle here or there.  There were other things I noticed too, but you get the point!  

I brought up my concerns to the manager and she was a nice lady, but was super defensive and had an excuse for everything.  I knew this was NOT going to work.  There are very few things that can make you feel more helpless than knowing your child is not being cared for well.

I continued going each day that week so he would have at least 30 minutes of love and attention in the day and my final straw was coming into the building, hearing him crying (more like screaming) from the hallway, and seeing him flat on the ground in unassisted tummy time with his face smashed to the floor because he wasn't strong enough to be left alone.  I grabbed him and they said he "just started crying" (obviously a lie by the state he was in).  I left bawling because it took every ounce of me to not leave with him but I didn't know what to do about work.

I pretty much spent every waking moment researching and frantically touring other facilities since I knew he could not stay there.  I didn't know what to do and was about to quit my job and just stay at home with him but LOVE my coworkers, boss and job, and didn't want to lose that as well!  Plus they were beyond supportive of my hot mess self.  That Thursday night, one of the facilities I toured said we could bring him in that Friday for a test day so he was out of the previous center after just four days.  

When I picked him up after his "test" day at the new center he was all smiles, bright eyed, and loving life!  I knew it was night and day from his time at the first place.  They also created this sweet poster of all the fun he had!

We switched him right away to the new center and it has been the best decision!  Granted, I will never be totally at ease being away from him but know they are loving him as much as they can, and I LOVE THEM for that!  I think it helps that they all happen to be super sweet moms, too, so they get it.  It is super close to my work as well, so since I EBF (exclusively breast feed) and barely pump enough, I am able to go feed him over lunch every day which uses one less bottle (and I get some snuggle time).

How cute are all of his little welcome signs?

They also had us make a sheet with some fun facts so his new friends could get to know him. :)

I'm pretty sure all of this drama caused some PPD for me (I did NOT handle it well), and I do worry that I am semi still struggling with that, but not full blown.  I have to deal with it until I know if I can ever be a stay at home mom or if working mom is the life for me!  For now, we are so grateful for our new center!  

Here are some more cute pics they have taken of him. :)

Anyone else have as big of a constant struggle/inner conflict as me, or am I just a crazy new mom (or both)? :)  And BELIEVE ME, I know that being a SAHM can be even MORE difficult!  

I also feel like I am in a constant state of rushing around, not getting everything done, not spending enough time with him, while at the same time not getting enough "me" time but that is a whole other issue.  The struggle is real, fellow moms!  So glad we are all in this together!!

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